Love Yourself First

Five months trying to make it works and one day to destroy all the effort. My track record turns from bad to terrible. I think one of the biggest in a relationship is you put the other person as a missing piece in your life. You want him to behave in a certain way and he will somehow completes you. In your mind, you think finding is the end whereas the truth is finding is a continuous process of adjusting, especially since you only know the other for a very short period. The ironic part of this relationship is that I continue to understand him better whenever we ended up in a fight. The fighting drained me, although it answers many questions that I have about him. I just realize we have different ways of expressing our feelings and these expressions are rooted in our historical upbringing. He acted nonchalantly on things that matter for me and vice versa. And I just realized this after our last big fight that ends everything.   

Sometimes, you want other person to fix you, but it will never work. Love yourself first and then your happiness will attract the right person.

Biner

Mungkin yang membuat semuanya rumit adalah karena aku menganggap hubungan sebagai fungsi biner. Ketika aku komitmen terhadap sesuatu, aku akan melakukannya sepenuh hati. Hal ini menjadi rumit ketika komitmen ini terkait dengan hal atau orang lain. Ada hal yang aku anggap biasa ternyata tidak buat orang lain. Dan pada akhirnya menjalin hubungan dengan orang lain adalah mengenai compatibility, apakah hal-hal yang aku inginkan membuatnya nyaman dan sebaliknya. Tidak ada yang benar atau salah, hanya apakah yang aku inginkan sama dengan dirinya. Apakah aku mau menginvestasikan perasaan kalau tiap kali mencoba berbicara tentang hal itu selalu dialihkan dengan topik lain.