Hurt

"Hey darling, what time are you going home?"

"I will come a bit late, but will drop by on the shop to buy your favorite cheesecake."

"Thanks honey, miss you."

"See you soon my love."

Life is surely interesting. You find love when you least expected it but when you meet the one, you just know. Both of your quirkiness start to make sense. If sometimes you felt out of place, suddenly you understand how the strangeness is made to complement a missing piece. Perfection is not about you but how both of enable a beautiful symphony. And when your fingers meet for the first time, you forget how to walk alone. There is something strange about sharing warmth through the tip of your hand and how wrapping each other hand can create a different level of closeness. 

Somebody told me that when you fall in love, your world starts to gravitate into the other person. You feel a sense of completeness when he is around either by sharing the same couch or watching him eating next to you. You will surprise that watching somebody brushing his teeth can make you happy. Well, you still like presents but you start to find peace with mundane details of being together. A complete trust to share your deepest fear.

Conscious Detachment

“We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” Dr. Seuss

How to stop everything when things feel right? A synchronized weirdness that somehow ticks all the right boxes. At the same time, you know that there are a boundary you could not cross and the relationship will end anyway, sooner or later. Probably, I should turn the whole experience into a fiction, a version where two persons have to face a tragic ending. Maybe, by doing that, I can imagine a better ending for the two of us. Or maybe a version where they constantly fighting due to cultural differences and by having that imagination, I will be happier to be able to dodge a bullet.

I know I did stupid things. Trying to create a distraction that made me even miss him more. Probably, instead of doing stupid things, reducing the dose? It feels like drinking a sea water when you are thirsty, you want to get rid off the thirst but you even make it worst. 

My brain breaks ... I don't know what to do or what I want when the ending is clear.