The Social

Being in a social distancing period made me wonder about life. What I consider as important, who would I connect with during the period, why things happen as it is and what do I want to do in life. Having someone new kind of supporting the whole reflective thing. I still don't know where this relationship is going to end but for now, I am happy with the way it goes. Me being happy in a relationship is kind of rare, at least for the last two years. The social kind of aspect me to behave in a certain way, which does not really fit with my own character. I have to deal with people who talk about themselves without paying attention about my facial expression or people who do not really know what they want. There are not bad guys, they just hold the wrong piece of the puzzle, which may fit with somebody else.

As a social creature, I am what my past shapes me. As the smallest in the family, I use to have people doing things or protecting me. I remember when I was in junior high school, I had to find my socks 15 minutes before the bell ring and the whole house was being involved in finding my socks, or eraser or my homework. The situation remained until I got my PhD. Sometimes I told my supervisor that I wanted to tag along with him since I did not have anything to do at home. I also have senior professor who I consider more as an grand parents than something professional. I like to be taking care of or having someone who I can talk with about random subject.

Probably, having a degree makes me a weird one, especially when people consider man has to be above woman or because I lived quite some time abroad. Maybe, I am just being sensitive but after a while, I can really feel the difference once people know about my attribute. It becomes tiresome when people look at you for your degree and not the whole you. Well, attributes are part of your identity, but every person has more than one dimension. Herbert Marcus wrote a book called 'One-dimensional man', where he (probably) discusses about a shift in the Soviet Union to consumerism. I have not read this book, I read his other book 'Siddharta' though where he told a story about the possibility of having no expectation.

I like the idea of having no expectation. If you never hope something, you will never be disappointed. I could not be gloomier than that, right? While it does sound gloomy, practicing it in daily life is kind of liberating. I think that's how I approach my current relationship, que sera sera. I don't want to rush thing as well as forcing something that I don't want to do (i.e excepting calls from strangers or from people I am not close to).

It takes the whole past to bring me to this point, a series of events that make you, you.

PS: talking about series of events remind me of doing partial differential equation where you talking A LOT about subset and space.