Falling in love means you are giving part of yourself to somebody else. Your happiness becomes his and vice versa. While I start to be able to neutralize my consciousness into accepting the reality, my sub-consciousness works in a slower pace. During the relationship, I somehow develop a dopamine attachment to him. Whenever I stress out about my work, I find calmness in talking to him. So yesterday when I started to stress out about my work, all the good memories started to overflow again. Love is a scary thing. I don't know whether I am able to be that vulnerable again, giving part of my self to somebody else.
Probably, that's why you are not suppose to have feeling before marriage in Islam. Most of the feelings come from syaithan who planted nice imaginations into your mind. Currently, I am trying to get closer to Allah SWT again, fasting, night pray and other sunnah. Probably, I need this experience since I have been lost for some time. And hopefully, my current ikhtiar will have a happy ending.
“My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me.” Imam Al-Shafi’i
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