First day of breakup. I kept on repeating the mantra: 'he's getting married with someone else' over and over until my head could not think anymore. There was a constant urge to ask him to reconsider but I knew at the end, he would never pick me, it's never been it's never will be, so why prolong the pain. But giving up a routine was hard. I could not talk to him first thing in the morning, I could not share the little things I found during my days and I could not see him before I went to bed anymore. There was this hole in my days without him and the worst part was I could really imagine us being together.
He had a strange way to make me laugh, with his witty jokes and weird sense of humor. Probably, that's the first thing that attract me to him. And even I knew that there was a chance of 60 percent to not be able to have him, I was willing to take the 40 percent chance because I had a strong feeling for him. I still love him. At some time, it's going to be a past tense but on the first day of break up, I still want him pretty bad. I know he is not going to fight for me, so this is for the best. But I still want him.
I hope I can be better soon. This morning I talked with friend for two hours. It helped, but living alone kind of making things more difficult.
I wish nothing bad for him. But I just want him to be mine and not with someone else.
I will be better.
Hopefully soon.
Picture: sometimes the canal force water to follow a certain path that you hate. You have no way out.
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