After felt super down on Thursday, I started to talk to him again yesterday. Our talk was on moderation, no feeling attached, or at least no words about feeling and mostly talking about how Allah SWT test us with what we love. The irony of the whole situation was that he knew how to calm me down. And I did calm down. I listened to many surah and hadits afterwards about how Allah won't test human beyond their capacity and that's how He brings us back to the right path. Watching all the videos calmed me down. While initially, I was wondering why this year many bad things happened to me, now I started to find peace in what Allah has promised to us.
I guess the last couple of months, I was lost in my desire and hope to have someone in my life. While I have accepted that he couldn't be mine, I really hope that my future husband has a good understanding of Islam as well. He becomes my imam for my shalat and we both pray together to reach His jannah.
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